{"id":10945,"date":"2025-09-24T23:55:32","date_gmt":"2025-09-24T23:55:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dentalveda.in\/blog\/?p=10945"},"modified":"2025-09-24T23:55:32","modified_gmt":"2025-09-24T23:55:32","slug":"effing-dykes-gifts-just-what-lies-below-her-nails-autostraddle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dentalveda.in\/blog\/effing-dykes-gifts-just-what-lies-below-her-nails-autostraddle","title":{"rendered":"Effing Dykes Gifts: Just What Lies Below (Her Nails) | Autostraddle"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\n

\n
\n That is a unique Guest Post by
\n
\n Krista
\n <\/strong>
\n of
\n
\n Effing Dykes
\n <\/strong>
\n ! Effing Dykes is actually a queer girl blog which is entertaining and wise and some raunchy and
\n WE LIKE IT
\n . Probably wouldn’t be an awful idea to set apart sometime and get drawn into an Effing Dykes wormhole, if you haven’t currently. Just make sure you come back right here to read this article, since it is special, as above mentioned.
\n <\/em>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via ohcardigan\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n Hiya lezzers!
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I’ve got marshmallows and gluten-free graham crackers, so\u00e2\u0080\u00a6
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n WHO WANTS TO NOTICE A SCARY STORY??
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n MWAH
\n <\/em>
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n
\n HA HAHAHAHA!
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Get the buddy. Every person had gotten the friend? Great. Hang on fast your pal’s hand.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n \u00e2\u0080\u0098Cause this is a true tale.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Ahem.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Not So Long Ago, once I was actually therefore freshly homosexual I Did Not even understand I Became freshly gay\u00e2\u0080\u00a6
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n An meet older lesbians<\/a> at the now-defunct queer club called
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Za’s
\n <\/span>
\n
\n in Green Bay, Wisconsin
\n
\n (I was entirely just there to dance)
\n <\/span>
\n
\n gave me some advice:
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n 1)
\n
\n
\n Never ever open a combined bank account together with your lover
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n 2)
\n
\n
\n Never fake orgasms
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n 3)
\n
\n
\n Make sure a woman’s nails tend to be clean.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n The a good idea lesbian was a student in the woman late 40’s, an age bracket yet from my 19-years-old-with-a-fake-ID self that i really couldn’t actually envision exactly what it needs to be want to be therefore ancient.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via petitlapin\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n How unfortunate, I Was Thinking. Here this woman is at a bar and she is outdated. I am hoping I do not finish lonely like the girl.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Actually it fun getting the biggest market of yours world?
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n What just a little shit I found myself.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via diaghram\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n For whatever reason, however, I walked away from
\n
\n Za’s
\n <\/span>
\n
\n that evening duplicating her three principles to myself personally.
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Whenever I woke right up, I was thinking of these.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n It absolutely was a lot like inside the sterling silver seat, whenever Polly and Eustace Scrubb are billed by Aslan to remember The indications.
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Do not act like you don’t re-read the Narnia boxed-set at least once a-year.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Anyway! through the years, I always recalled the three life instructions the lesbian had instructed myself. Her information made sense.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I never ever exposed a shared bank checking account with anyone.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n We never faked orgasms once again following the first few times used to do it, recognizing I found myself, indeed, dooming me to a perpetual period of shitty sex by satisfying poor overall performance with my cries of “ecstasy.”
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n And I also constantly privately examined a woman’s nails before I slept together with her.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via diaphram\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n Brief? Check.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n No rough sides? Check.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Thoroughly clean? Its go time.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n But why, sluts?
\n <\/span>
\n
\n What is the fuss about nails?
\n <\/span>
\n
\n What’s with all the current short-nailed lesbian jokes? What?
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I am talking about, alright, I have it. It really is harder to shag with very long fingernails. You can perhaps puncture a lung or something.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n But it is perhaps not difficult. I had very long nails before for burlesque shows; screwin’ with \u00e2\u0080\u0098em isn’t all of that hard \u00e2\u0080\u0094 you only make sure to utilize the shields of hands.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n So just why ended up being that lesbian thus emphatic about thoroughly clean fingernails?
\n
\n You guys, she had been
\n <\/span>
\n
\n
\n SO. EMPHATIC.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I made the decision accomplish some debunking.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Definitely nothing could truly occur should you decide got fucked by someone with dirty nails.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via lesbiansftw\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n And we recalled a story therefore awful I would almost forgotten it.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Homos.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via dirtyknife\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n Bad crap can occur.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n This horror tale involves you courtesy of my personal good-looking buddy ”
\n
\n
\n Cai
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n ,” who’s seen a lot more twat in heating than a kitty hospital on complimentary Spay time.
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n All Right.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n was a student in Miami whenever she found a tremendously hot femme we are going to call
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Katie.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n
\n smelled like glucose cookies cooking, used a leopard-print swimsuit, had huge silver hoops that shimmered inside the light, and also possessed one of several finest asses
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n had ever observed.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n She covertly texted myself a picture of
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n at the swimming pool so she could brag, and that I texted right back,
\n <\/span>
\n
\n “I would hit that till my hand dropped off.”
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via hellogirls\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n Thus, yes,
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Katie.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n took
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n
\n home that night. There had been some really serious consuming.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n While getting undressed
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n
\n into the half-light,
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n noticed one thing she hadn’t really seen prior to:
\n <\/span>
\n
\n
\n Katie had cool nails.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n In fact,
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n
\n had a long, rhinestone-tipped French manicure. Juuuust like Rihanna.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n couldn’t stop the psychological picture of these nails clawing down the woman back while she fucked
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n
\n , very animalistic gender commenced.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n even allow
\n
\n Katie
\n <\/span>
\n
\n screw the girl, despite the fact that she ordinarily never allows anybody do this. Just what hell, she figured. Going house tomorrow. Never see this woman once again. I could get topped for every night.
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Why don’t we fast-forward a couple weeks, shall we?
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n via gilliansees\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n One thing had been completely wrong with
\n <\/span>
\n
\n Cai’s
\n <\/span>
\n
\n “area.”
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Really, really wrong. It itched. It burnt.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Some, um, greenish-yellowish things ended up being oozing from it. And when I say some I mean too much. amounts. of. pus.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n refused to go right to the lady-doctor.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Because getting encouraging is really what friendship is about, when she told me, I stated,
\n <\/span>
\n
\n “So you at long last had gotten the clap. Whorebag.”
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n chuckled nervously. She went home, googled “the clap” and became convinced that she did, undoubtedly have actually gonorrhea. She went, the very first time ever
\n <\/span>
\n
\n (she had been 28),
\n <\/span>
\n
\n to your queer-friendly community gyno center.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n They didn’t know very well what had been completely wrong with her.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n They tried the lady for gonorrhea. They tried for syphilis, herpes, HPV, chlamydia, the really works. Nothing.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n was in some discomfort. She required solutions. She was basically putting the
\n <\/span>
\n
\n \u00e2\u0080\u0098pus’
\n <\/span>
\n
\n in
\n <\/span>
\n
\n “pussy”
\n <\/span>
\n
\n for almost a month now.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n So they gave the girl an ultrasound.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n AND CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THEY DISCOVERED.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Vaginal rips. All over the inside of the woman vag.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Lots and lots of rips.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n had been torn to shreds. Her insides had been dangling in ribbons. Appeared to be crepe-paper birthday accents within.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n
\n And every little thing \u00e2\u0080\u0093 every final inch \u00e2\u0080\u0093 ended up being infected.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n It might appear that when Katie made use of the woman fabulous lengthy nails supply
\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n an energetic drunk-fuck, no body understood that her fingernails had been in addition a festering breeding floor for
\n <\/span>
\n
\n
\n bacterial vaginosis
\n <\/strong>
\n .
\n <\/span>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Amazing.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Cai
\n <\/span>
\n
\n states happen a stone-cold very top since that time.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n My best friend wikipedia says you can acquire awful attacks from dirty fingernails. Seemingly, there are occasionally staphylococcus bacteria hangin’ out, which could trigger any such thing from epidermis boils to motherfucking meningitis.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n And do you know what else?
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n Pinworm eggs.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n S’all I’m gonna say.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n these are generally pinworms\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n That sensible lesbian was actually spot-on together with her existence classes.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Never ever open up a mutual bank account along with your lover.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Never artificial orgasms.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n And holy mom of god, browse an innovative new strategy’s fingernails before screwing.
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n

\n by crystal gwyn\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n Or perhaps you tend to be condemned to experience the fortune of Cai.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n THE END
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I Must ask yourself, though\u00e2\u0080\u00a6
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Have any of y’all actually gotten something awful from another women’s hands?
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Or been aware of an individual who did?
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Or is this mostly
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>
\n
\n (\u00e2\u0080\u0098cept for Cai)
\n <\/span>
\n
\n
\n a lesbian urban myth?
\n <\/strong>
\n<\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n My hands are inching towards travel-sized Purell package.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n I need responses.
\n <\/span>\n<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
\n\n


\n Before you go!
\n <\/strong><\/p>\n

\n It will cost you cash to make indie queer news, and frankly, we are in need of a lot more members in order to survive 2023\n <\/p>\n


\n As many thanks for TRULY maintaining you lively, A+ users get access to bonus material, extra Saturday puzzles, and much more!
\n <\/mark>
\n
\n Are you going to join?
\n <\/u><\/p>\n

\n Cancel any time.\n <\/p>\n

Join A+!\n <\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

That is a unique Guest Post by Krista of Effing Dykes ! Effing Dykes is actually a queer girl blog which is entertaining and wise and some raunchy and WE LIKE IT . Probably wouldn’t be an awful idea to set apart sometime and get drawn into an Effing Dykes wormhole, if you haven’t currently. … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_joinchat":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10945","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nEffing Dykes Gifts: Just What Lies Below (Her Nails) | Autostraddle - Dental Veda Blog & News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dentalveda.in\/blog\/effing-dykes-gifts-just-what-lies-below-her-nails-autostraddle\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Effing Dykes Gifts: Just What Lies Below (Her Nails) | Autostraddle - Dental Veda Blog & News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"That is a unique Guest Post by Krista of Effing Dykes ! Effing Dykes is actually a queer girl blog which is entertaining and wise and some raunchy and WE LIKE IT . Probably wouldn’t be an awful idea to set apart sometime and get drawn into an Effing Dykes wormhole, if you haven’t currently. ... 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